Family | Michael R Lewis, ASJA

March 7, 2014January 3, 2024

How to Help and Elderly Parent Deal with the Death of a Spouse

Velta Lewis died the morning of May 15th in the arms of her husband in the home they had purchased upon retiring three years previously. Her death, nine months after the diagnosis of lung cancer, occurred shortly before the couple expected to celebrate their 52nd wedding anniversary during a two-week trip to Paris. My father was devastated. Over the following weeks, I would find him sitting alone in their darkened family room – no television, no radio, no conversation to break the silence – staring with red-rimmed eyes into the past, trails of tears upon his cheeks.

If you have experienced the death of a loved one, you understand how grief can stun, even take you to your knees. In the midst of your own pain, it is easy to forget others who suffer. However, in the case of a parent whose spouse has died, it is at this time that your strength and compassion is most needed.

Members of the Greatest Generation were no strangers to death. My dad had experienced the passing of his grandmother as a young boy, and witnessed her body resting in the parlor of their house for final viewing, as was the custom in those days. He had spent almost a year in Europe during World War II, losing buddies to the ravages of battle. In the ensuing years, he and my mother buried parents, relatives, and friends, the funerals becoming more frequent as they grew older. They were religious people, neither fearing death, sure of their place in eternity.

But generally, the natural order of life is for husbands to go first, not wives. They had worked and saved over the years, expecting to enjoy 5 to 10 years of travel and seeing grandchildren before Dad’s time to go. Mother dying first was unnatural in the grand scheme of things – unlikely, but not impossible. In fact, according to the U.S. Census figures in 2012, husbands are 3.2 times more likely to die before their wives, with 36.9% of women older than 65 widowed compared to 11.5% of men over age 65 who are widowers. To my father, all of their shared preparations for their final days were suddenly pointless.

Shedding Excess Baggage and Downsizing Before Retirement

This article first appeared on Forbes.com on February 19, 2014.

If a person’s lifetime was equated to the four seasons of a year, the time following retirement would be the equivalent of autumn. It’s when nature slows down, takes a breath, and appreciates the accomplishments of spring and summer. People generally reach this season in their 60s and 70s, some with trepidation preparing for their remaining years. Many mourn the passage of youth and resent the next generation taking their place in the sun while others, like the poet W.B. Yeats did, choose to “take up life in both hands and care more for the fruit than the flower” in the years following retirement.

Retirement means, for the first time in decades, you have the luxury of worrying only about yourself and possibly your spouse. A new life beckons, pregnant with opportunities and challenges. Unlike your youth, you’ve gained experience and wisdom as well as the confidence that comes from having survived the obstacles and setbacks of starting a family, raising children, and building and maintaining a career. You are free and now face a whole new life full of adventures just waiting to happen.

The End of Accumulation

Youth and middle age are spent chasing dreams, accepting responsibilities, and amassing assets – psychological and physical. If you’ve been diligent and lucky, you’ve accumulated financial wealth in the form of an IRA, 401k, stocks, bonds, and savings. Your employer might have provided additional assets in the form of company stock, a pension, or a profit-sharing account. You may own tangible assets like real estate, art, and collectibles and you’ve also acquired automobiles, furniture, tools, gadgets, heirlooms, and knick-knacks over your lifetime – most of which are rarely used or even remembered.

5 Tips to Prepare for a Comfortable Retirement

According to a 2013 Gallup Poll, more than half of working Americans expect to retire by age 65 or earlier. However, this expectation stands in stark contrast to their practical readiness for retirement.

The 2013 Retirement Confidence Survey, performed by the Employee Benefit Research Institute and Matthew Greenwald & Associates, delivers the following unsettling statistics:

In 2013, three of four Americans had total savings of less than $25,000, and an astounding 28% had less than $1,000.
Less than half of Americans have any idea how much money they will need during retirement or how much they have to save in order to reach that amount.
Almost two-thirds of all workers feel they need more than $250,000 in savings, 40% estimating they need at least $500,000.
Six of ten workers contribute to a retirement savings plan through work, but the average is skewed heavily in favor of those who earn $75,000 or more annually – 94% of those who earn $75,000 or more versus 24% of those with incomes lower than $35,000.

Only one in four of workers feel very confident that they will have enough money to take care of basic expenses, not including healthcare, during retirement – and only 14% think they will have enough money for healthcare.

Despite the probability that many Americans will have to rely on Social Security and Medicare for the bulk of their retirement and healthcare expenses, a FindLaw.com survey reveals that 30% of workers lack faith that these programs will be viable when they retire. Many economists analyzing the existing demographic and savings data project that tomorrow’s retirees need to save more, work longer, and get by with less than today’s retirees do. If that potential fate discourages you, implement the following tips as soon as possible to improve your likelihood of enjoying a comfortable retirement.

5 Shrewd Ways to Adjust Your Portfolio As You Near Retirement

Life was good at the end of 2007 for Bill and Mary. Bill, at age 60, had enjoyed a successful career with Walgreens, one of the largest retail companies in America. His career, begun 28 years previously, enabled Mary to be a stay-at-home mom, paid for their two kids’ college education, and enabled the couple to build a $1 million position in a Fidelity New Millenium Fund through constant investments over the years. During the last decade, Bill had been the beneficiary of annual stock options which he faithfully exercised, maintaining the common stock with the faith that the company would continue to grow in value. By 2007, the stock was worth more than $300,000. The couple was looking forward to Bill’s early retirement in 2010 and a year of traveling, making up all of the trips they had foregone during the early years of savings and paying for college. Then disaster struck.

With the Great Recession, the S&P 500 fell more than 800 points, a 55% decrease. While the New Millennium Fund did better than the general market average, losing only 48% of its value, the value of Bill and Mary’s portfolio dropped to slightly more than $500,000. The Walgreens stock also suffered, falling from $48 per share in September to $23 in 2009, and the options that Bill had yet to exercise were underwater. Their plans for an early retirement were no longer possible.